SA Kids On The Go

When you feel like your world is falling apart SA Kids Newsletter Oct 2018

When everything seems to fall apart - parenting 

Dear Parents,

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” - Marilyn Monroe

I started this letter with a quote, not because I love quotes and sharing them with everyone, but because I am sure many of you will agree with me that when you are going through a tough time and it feels like everything is falling apart, you actually wonder how quotes like this can be true. All you see are the problems piling up and everything falling apart and definitely nothing falling together. This is a horrible period in our lives, wouldn’t you agree?

The truth is, many times, these things could be happening for a reason even if you don’t see the positive side of it during the storm. I speak from experience and as tough as it is now… “There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

I am very blessed to have an amazing friend that helped me through my storm and not fall apart completely. I also realized that I was not the only one going through a tough time and seeing as I learned a few different ways to cope, I would like to share some of them and hopefully help you in my small way.  

I have said this so many times and will start with it again. You must take care of yourself.  If you fall apart completely, how are your children / family going to manage without you? You are still the parent and responsible for them, but you come first.  

“Put yourself first Putting yourself first doesn't mean you don't care about others. It means you're smart enough to know you can't help others if you don't help yourself first.”

If your day is particularly bad and you really cannot face those tantrums, fights, the laundry, etc., then slow down, stop for a while or take a break from everything. (The cleaning and chores can wait) Ask for help from a friend, family member or get a sitter so that you can go for a long walk to clear your mind, have a good cry, go have your hair done… whatever it takes to clear your mind and get back on track with new thoughts, plans, courage, ideas, self-motivation… If all you can do is sit down and breathe, then do that.

“Give yourself time to heal.”

While you are on your healing journey, think of everything you are thankful for. I would start each day with a list of what I was grateful for and it really gave me strength to be more positive.

“Always, no matter how life looks, be thankful for everything in your life. After all, there is always someone somewhere wishing for the things you do have.”

During my “falling apart” period I found I would get very angry that this was happening to me but that is normal. As parents we try and stay strong for so long that we don’t realise how much tension is building up inside us, until we explode. My advice is to try and deal with your anger before you take it out on your family or friends.

“Anger is your biggest enemy. Control it.”

My last bit of advice is saying NO! You already have your own problems to deal with and saying no is very important if you don’t feel up to doing anything with or for anyone, regardless of how much they pressure you. You need time to sort out your life first and foremost.

“It's only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important”

 May you stay strong and carry on during the difficult days and believe that good times will come again.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

Much Love, Taniaar Parents,

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” - Marilyn Monroe

I started this letter with a quote, not because I love quotes and sharing them with everyone, but because I am sure many of you will agree with me that when you are going through a tough time and it feels like everything is falling apart, you actually wonder how quotes like this can be true. All you see are the problems piling up and everything falling apart and definitely nothing falling together. This is a horrible period in our lives, wouldn’t you agree?

The truth is, many times, these things could be happening for a reason even if you don’t see the positive side of it during the storm. I speak from experience and as tough as it is now… “There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

I am very blessed to have an amazing friend that helped me through my storm and not fall apart completely. I also realized that I was not the only one going through a tough time and seeing as I learned a few different ways to cope, I would like to share some of them and hopefully help you in my small way.  

I have said this so many times and will start with it again. You must take care of yourself.  If you fall apart completely, how are your children / family going to manage without you? You are still the parent and responsible for them, but you come first.  

“Put yourself first Putting yourself first doesn't mean you don't care about others. It means you're smart enough to know you can't help others if you don't help yourself first.”

If your day is particularly bad and you really cannot face those tantrums, fights, the laundry, etc., then slow down, stop for a while or take a break from everything. (The cleaning and chores can wait) Ask for help from a friend, family member or get a sitter so that you can go for a long walk to clear your mind, have a good cry, go have your hair done… whatever it takes to clear your mind and get back on track with new thoughts, plans, courage, ideas, self-motivation… If all you can do is sit down and breathe, then do that.

“Give yourself time to heal.”

While you are on your healing journey, think of everything you are thankful for. I would start each day with a list of what I was grateful for and it really gave me strength to be more positive.

“Always, no matter how life looks, be thankful for everything in your life. After all, there is always someone somewhere wishing for the things you do have.”

During my “falling apart” period I found I would get very angry that this was happening to me but that is normal. As parents we try and stay strong for so long that we don’t realise how much tension is building up inside us, until we explode. My advice is to try and deal with your anger before you take it out on your family or friends.

“Anger is your biggest enemy. Control it.”

My last bit of advice is saying NO! You already have your own problems to deal with and saying no is very important if you don’t feel up to doing anything with or for anyone, regardless of how much they pressure you. You need time to sort out your life first and foremost.

“It's only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important”

 May you stay strong and carry on during the difficult days and believe that good times will come again.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

Much Love, Tania