SA Kids On The Go

Families are unique SA Kids Newsletter Sep 2016

Happy October dearest readers!

Families come in all shapes, sorts and sizes. We have single moms, single dads, aunts and uncles or grandparent's who raise the kids; There are families with two moms or two dads, with only one kid or 7 of them; There are families who's pets are their kids to take the place of the kids once they have left home; And there are families born from adoption. Each of these are a family even if they don't quite make up societies "a mom, a dad and 2.5 kids" statistic. Each family is 100% unique to their situation and I think that is very special!

But today I’d like to talk about those that happen thanks to adoption. I have several friends I've made over the past few years who have become moms thanks to the adoption system. Friends who's struggle is heart breaking, who's adoption successes and failures I've followed and who I've cried tears of happiness and sadness right along with.But what about the kids? How many stop to think what it's like to actually be adopted? I've heard people say things to these kids like "you should be happy you were adopted" or "you're so lucky you found a home" or worst of all "She's not your mother, you don't even have the same skin tone" and oh man, that makes me want to punch an ignorant fool in the face. You don't say that to a "normal" child do you?I'm not adopted but if you put me next to my family you'd think I was. I'm short and stout with pale skin and a preference for purple hair, whereas they're all tall and lithe tanned members. Even my own kid doesn't look like me! But my family accept me as I am and I love my son regardless.

I made friends with a wonderful woman recently, Paula Gruben. A mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend and also an adoptee. Paula has spent the past few years putting words down and writing about her adoption story in a way that makes it easy for anyone to read. She's taken her experiences meeting her birth mother, her feelings of misplacement and abandonment and turned them into a story that anyone can really feel compassionate about. I'm really glad I met her and got to know a bit more about her story. If you're an adoptive mom or dad or anyone really, this is a book you'll want to have in the house for yourself and your kids to read. She's also very open to chatting to anyone.

I really hope that this October you'll all have amazing month, that you'll love your family a little more whether you're the unconventional kind or kicking it old school. Good luck surviving the school holidays! At least it's a short one :)


Coral-Leigh & Tania (but mostly just Coral-Leigh today)


It’s not the word before parent that defines,

but rather the love and dedication in the parent’s heart.  


Paula has given us a signed copy to give out to one of you!


Excerpt : It’s the fear of rejection that runs through every thread of our adoption tapestry. Deep down, everyone in our unique little triad has a fear of it. Through forces beyond our control, our lives are intricately interwoven, inextricably entwined. Smooth and seamless on the surface, knotted and messy behind.

For Mom and Dad it’s the fear that, once you’ve found your birth mother, you’ll be all like, ‘Adios, thanks for the past twenty-one years, but I’ve found a new mom, so I’m outta here!’

Which is stupid, obviously. Mom and Dad will always be your mom and dad.

For Beth, judging by what she wrote in that letter she left on file for you at Child Welfare, she was also scared of rejection. Of being rejected by you. As punishment, for abandoning you, and not being able to provide for you as a mother should. While she was right about your feelings of anger and bitterness and resentment, it was directed more at the system, the adoption laws, the bureaucracy, and the red tape, than at her personally.

And then, obviously, your own fears of rejection. Although you had hoped for the best when you visited Child Welfare, you had also prepared for the worst. The fear of finding out your birth mother didn’t want to meet you, the fear of being rejected by her a second time. Well, that probably would’ve broken you completely. Thank God she wrote that letter, so you knew exactly where you stood, and how long and hard she had been wanting, wishing, waiting for you to make contact. It made everything thereafter so much easier.

Click Here To enter for a chance to win a signed copy of Umbilics!


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